Death came to my doorstep this morning.

and I guess, maybe that's it, maybe that's why I have to go through all these. maybe it's the only way. to feel the pain I've never felt. to give birth to a love I've never known. to finally, when the last tear has dropped, my heart just burst open. you can't, darling, get hurt by something you don't love.

I don't know.

I just know that, this is a part of growing up. This is the year of destruction, and rebuilding, and shattering, and collecting scattered pieces, and putting them back together while your ten fingers bleed and your face is drenched in ocean tears and you know that you are going to bed, walking towards another day, and tomorrow will be a new day, and the sun will shine again, cliché, yes, but it's true.

No matter what, the sun will shine and we will try again.

I refuse to die.

I am not going to die.

I am not going to die.