Your baby had no baby.

She ended up burning herself, to shine; and she shined, for the first time, for the last time. You’ve never seen anything that’s so bright in your too long life, your mouth opened wide, your throat’s dry, your eyes pinned on her damaged breast. She was the most glorious star came across the night sky, the beautiful summer night sky, where your small body vanishing into the warm darkness. After she’s gone, you can still see her pale ankles flying upon clouds, through the moon, and your chest broke into two, or thousand.

You still remember that day, when she was sixteen and you were, you guess, forty or even older but not too old, she said one day in the near future that you imagined it was right over there, around the corner, that she will get rid of all her clothes, cut her hair short, no make-up, and go to live in jungles. You will die, you told her, and you laughed. You thought she was just telling a joke like she always did when she was bored. Not this time. When you stopped you realized. She was not the girl that you thought you knew for a very long time, since she was a little kid and can’t even speak fluently. You started bring back every little memory that you’ve got about her. Her hair smells like ocean lingering around fingertips, her white teeth is sparkling under the sunshine, when she smiles, you swear to God you will protect her at all cost. Be with her. For ever. But do you, do you, remember, she was not yours to be little until the end of time.

There’s something about her that no matter how hard you try, it is nothing but blurry illusions, mingled reflections on a window glass in winter evening. If you close your eyes, some images will show up but as fast as dreams, they rise to its peak then drop drastically on the floor, smashed themselves into glitters. What did you see there? Look straight into the universe that made from a ruined kingdom, did you see her?

Her late night eyebrows are burnt and your kitchen suddenly just feels like an old smoking spot, her tongue is pink with blood dripping out of her torn lips, she is blushing under the yellow light with bruises all over her skin, her smooth like silk skin you love so much you can touch it just by imagine. Did you see her? Did you remember her? She was five, and she was nine, and she was thirteen then you lost her.

She’s not gone. She was not even here in the first place. She was a soul that flew far away many years ago. You didn’t realize because you’d never looked into her eyes. She was crying but all you saw was just rain and rain will stop any time soon. She was smiling but that was not a smile at all. She was happy all the time but her pillows told different. You knew her too well you knew nothing. She knew you too well she killed herself. Like a cold weather flower, time has buried her under its wing. She was withered but she was so beautiful.

And every morning, you’d thought your baby girl was still alive.